Let’s talk about your sex mindset. When you settle in for some solo-sexy-fun or snuggle up with a sexual partner for a romp, do you have trouble keeping your mind focused on sexually stimulating thoughts? Does your mind wander to the list of to-do’s on your desk at work, the report that’s due to your boss, or the pile of laundry you haven’t folded yet? Are you self-conscious about your jiggly bits? Are you too busy trying to hide your body to enjoy the sensations?
The key to good sex is your brain. Sexual arousal starts in your mind, so if you’re too busy thinking about your to-do list, worrying about the stretch marks across your abdomen, or wondering if your butt is too big, you can’t focus on the fun. If your brain can’t focus on sexual stimuli you will miss out on pleasure and orgasms.
Sexual satisfaction is correlated with overall health and well-being, so if you miss out on pleasure because you can’t get or stay aroused, it could affect your health. I’m on a mission to help women improve their sex lives, and that starts with helping women improve their mindset about sex and their bodies.
I’ve developed five steps to developing a Hot Sexy B*tch Mindset that I know will help you tune out distractions and tune into your sexual response cycle and improve your sex life. Read on to discover what the steps are and how you can incorporate them into your life.
1. Say yes to your sexual desires
Society conditions women to take care of others before themselves. Women are supposed to be doting wives, daughters, and mothers. The statement that a woman is selfless is seen as aspirational. Why should women aspire to lose themselves?
I call bullsh*t.
You can only take care of others if you first fill your own cup. You have to fulfill your needs in order to share your gifts with the world. The only way to be fulfilled is to identify your desires. Women have the ability to create the lives they want in all areas – relationships, career, creativity, and, yes, even sex.
Once women identify their sexual desires and say yes to them, a world of sexual possibility opens up.
What’s more, women who are in tune with their sexual desires can better say yes to the other things they desire. When you own your sexual power and your right to orgasms, you will also start to own your power in other areas. Great sex leads to success, so let’s get after it!
The problem, though, is that women don’t learn about sexual pleasure, and certainly don’t understand that it is their right. We learn about reproduction and male orgasms in health class. Our religious leaders and parents may have meant well, but often the messages we received from them were full of shame and aimed at keeping us from embracing our sexual beings. This is why you have trouble figuring out what you want in bed.
Many women think their problem is a low libido when they actually just don’t know what they want or need during sex. If a woman can’t even identify her sexual desires, there’s no way for her to chase them.
The key to unlocking your desires is mindfulness. Sit quietly and picture your ultimate sexual experience. Turn on some sexy music, or erotic audio to help you if you need it. Don’t worry, no one can see into your mind, so any fantasy you can conjure is safe. Once you can visualize it, you can start to chase after your sexual goals.
2. Prioritize pleasure to increase sexual desire
Now that you know what sort of sex you want to have with yourself or with a partner, it’s time to prime your life for sexual arousal. The female sexual response cycle involves desire that turns to arousal. The next step toward taking care of your sexual health is to invite desire into your life. This is why pleasure is so important.
Some women find pleasure in a walk on the beach, a bubble bath, or a pedicure. Other women like to hike up mountains, run along trails, or cook gourmet meals. Whatever brings pleasure into your life must be a priority for you as you journey toward developing your Hot Sexy B*tch Mindset.
Pleasure primes your brain to want more pleasure, just as having orgasms primes your body to want more orgasms. So, if you prioritize pleasure in your life, the result will be more sexual interest, and as a bonus, increasing enjoyment in your life will improve your mental health and overall wellness.
3. Develop intimacy with yourself and others
Sex is intimate. I know that isn’t news to you. But just like pleasure, intimacy is more than just sex. Intimacy is a sense of closeness and of truly knowing someone’s soul. Women with a Hot Sexy B*tch Mindset are masters of intimacy.
Women who enjoy the sex lives of their dreams understand that masturbation is the key to unlocking their sexual satisfaction. When women become intimate with themselves both physically and emotionally, they are excited and readily able to share what they’ve learned with any partner lucky enough to catch their sexual interest.
This is where intimacy with others comes in. When you’re truly intimate with someone, it becomes easy to take their hand and show them how you like to be touched and where. Intimacy opens the lines of communication in your relationship so that you feel safe discussing your deepest sexual desires and even those fantasies you might have kept to yourself.
This level of intimacy isn’t limited to just your sexual relationships. Friendships and relationships with your family will benefit from you deepening your self-intimacy.
4. Develop the Goddess Confidence
We all know that woman who always seems to radiate divine energy. The first time you meet her, you know. She is comfortable in her skin; she walks into a room without worrying what others might be thinking. She operates from a place of kindness and compassion, and she is a relentless cheetah when pursuing her goals.
Whatever she wants, she gets.
You can be that woman.
You can be the woman who knows what she wants, knows who she wants in her life, knows who she is. You can be confident in yourself and your decisions in all areas of your life.
The first step is to identify what turns you on. Sure, this can be your sexual desire, but it isn’t limited to that. What gets you energized at work, at home, and in your free time? Knowing the answers to these questions is key to understanding yourself and owning the goddess that you are.
Once you know yourself, love yourself, and believe you’re worthy of having what you want, you can bring that energy into the bedroom. You can have Goddess Confidence.
5. Activate your feminine powers
Our busy lives often cause women to disconnect from their feminine powers. We spend our time catering to the needs of our significant others, our tiny humans, and our colleagues. We don’t take enough time to pause and center ourselves in our feminine energy. Feminine powers are the fifth key to improving your sex mindset.
Feminine energy is the source of life and all creativity. It is that part of you that is spiritually connected to something larger than yourself. It is your purpose in life.
When a woman is in touch with her feminine powers, she takes care of her body because that is the house – or maybe the temple – that holds her most precious life force. She eats for health and pleasure, she moves her body with joy, and she cares for her mental wellbeing.
A woman in touch with her feminine powers moves through life with ease because she’s got that Goddess Confidence on lock, is intimately connected with herself and those dear to her, and makes her needs a priority.
How can a sex therapist help with sexual mindset?
Many people seek the help of a sex therapist because they know there is more pleasure available to them than they are currently achieving. Societal beliefs impact our sex lives about feminine desire, body image issues, or life changes due to illness or aging. Once we identify your desires and what is holding you back, your potential for pleasure becomes limitless. (There’s that mindset stuff we talked about).
Sex coaches hold a non-judgemental space for clients to work toward the sex life they want. They can help you increase your sex drive, make sexual activity more pleasurable, and even navigate life changes such as menopause.
Your work with a sex therapist is collaborative. It takes effort from both of you to create and move through an action plan to get you the desired results.
Once you and your coach identify your true sexual desires, you will receive homework assignments for practice on your own.
If the stuff holding you back from enjoying a satisfying sex life is trauma from sexual assault or something similar, you may consider employing the help of a sex therapist who is also a psychotherapist. Healing from sexual abuse will help you reconnect with your feminine energy and unlock sexual desire.
The great NEWS is that you don’t have to fix these issues all by yourself.
I developed my Hot Sexy B*tch Mindset Journal for women like you who want to have better sex, more pleasure, and hotter orgasms. If you’re ready to practice these five steps and learn more about why they work, click here to download your FREE copy of the journal today!